Starbucks in Middle Earth
by Goesto11
Summary: "Where on God's green earth are we?" "I have no freaking-"I stopped, as realization hit me. "Merde." "What? When you swear, Eva, either something is very wrong. So spill." Her greenish-blue eyes wide, in near panic. "I think," I swallowed, "I think, we're in Middle Earth."
1. Chapter 1

**Nikola's POV:**

"Who's your favorite character in The Hobbit, Eva?" I asked as I popped a handful of M&M's in my mouth.

"Thranduil, duh." She replied giving me a WTF face, and playfully slapping my arm. "You know this!" The background sound was that of Thorin yelling about dragon fire at said elf, Eva's favorite scene from _The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug_. "Jeez, that scar is creepy as…" My best friend stopped mid-sentence searching for the right word (which wasn't a curse), as the same elf began yelling at the dwarf on the plasma screen.

"Fuh?" I gave raising an eyebrow and smirking.

Eva turned her head towards me, causing the black twists, with red streaks, that was her hair to nearly whack me in the face. "Colorful language, Niki. Good job," she said sarcastically, rolling her large brown eyes. Niki was short for Nikola.

"The soup, genius," I said, trying to recover. Eva only replied by sticking her tongue out at me, which I then returned. "Fine then, out of the dwarves who is your favorite?" I probed, as I crossed my legs on the brown leather couch, stuffing another handful of M&M's in my mouth. As Eva crossed her arms over her black sweater, thinking.

"I would have to say, in order, my favorite dwarves are Balin, Fili, and Thorin."

I nearly choked on the Diet Coke in my mouth, and nearly dropped the can. "Wha-, why Balin?" Honestly, I liked Balin as a character, he always kept Thorin and the others in check, but was the grandfatherly type at the same time. I just had more favorite dwarves before Balin. Eva replied exactly as how I stated the white-bearded dwarf to be, then scolded me for nearly spilling the drink on her carpet, ending the conversation.

The rest of the movie went smoothly with only distraction from Eva's fraternal twin, Aaron, who jumped in front of the screen, then promptly walked away after us yelling at him to move. We both sat on the couch, each with jean-covered legs dangling over the arms of the couch and sweater leaning against a faded purple t shirt. We usually found ourselves in odd positions due to both of us being 15 years old and slightly immature. Then the weirdest thing in my life happened.

"Nice ring," we both said at the same time, then continued to say, "Whoa, we're totally in sync," also at the same time. At this, my mouth turned into an 'o' and widened my eyes, and Eva face palmed herself. I snickered, to which she rolled her eyes.

"Thanks. I got it at the Ye Olde Curiosity Shop….sadly. But, it was nice and I got it, so whatever." she said gloomily. Eva _hated_ shopping with a passion. The ring was gold, and carved to look like wood. As the branches came around her right-middle finger, to a ruby, they began to sprout oak leaves, framing the gem. "Yours is nice, too. Is that the one you got in Cambridge?" Mine was slightly similar. It was silver and carved as an olive branch with straight leaves wrapping around my finger, before outlining a blue topaz.

I turned my head and my French braid fell over my left shoulder. "Yeah. The guy at the market, where I got it from, was a bit of a loon. But whatever." I replied shrugging my shoulders, and absent-mindedly fiddled with my braid. I started to feel my right hand getting warm. Not any other part of my body, just my hand. "What the-?" I exclaimed waving my now hot hand in the air, attempting to cool it.

"Niki, Does your hand feel like it is on fire?" Eva asked worriedly, also waving her hand around. I nodded as I inspected my hand for signs of burning. We gave each other a look and sprinted to the sink to rinse our hands. I got there first, due to being three inches taller and having longer legs.

_Huh? There are no burns! _I thought as I ran my hand under cold water. I expressed what I found to Eva, who, was waving and rinsing at the same time, gaped like a fish. The burning sensation had now turned to a throbbing pain, despite all our efforts of cooling. I bit my lip to stop from yelling every curse I knew. Eva whimpered a bit, and muttered curses in French. The gems on our rings began to glow each its own color. I reeled back holding my hand out like it wasn't my own. "OH MY GOD!" I yelled, trying and failing to get the ring off my finger. The glow quickly turned to blinding light, the more we pulled on our rings. I watched Eva's big brown eyes roll to the back of her head and topple onto the chestnut wood floor. Before I could scream her name, red and white sots dotted my vision, and nausea took over. Then everything was black as I crumpled to the floor next to my best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Eva's POV:**

The first thing I knew when I began to regain consciousness, was the sound of birds and the rustling of leaves in a slight breeze.

_Since when were there birds in my home?_ The next thing I felt was soft and luscious grass tickling my hands. Even more confused, I cracked my eyes open. They then flew wide open when the sight of a bright blue sky and the brown trunks and green leaves of maple and oak trees filling my vision. I instantly sat up, but regretted it when a wave of queasiness overflowed my stomach. As the feeling faded after a couple of minutes, I took in my surroundings.

I was clearly in a forest, for I was surrounded by massive trees of birch, oak, maple and a few pine. The ground was soft with flower beds, and that amazing grass. A couple rocks popped up around through the earth. "Where am I?" I clutched my head as a wave of memories came flooding back, along with a slight headache. _A movie…Nikola…the rings…light…pain…_searing_ pain_. "NIKOLA! Oh my God. NIKOLA!" I screamed her name as I scrambled to my feet, searching for the familiar brunette hair.

"Fudge, I'm right behind you, dummy."

I whirled around finding my biffle rubbing a small gash on her forehead. "Wh-What happened? Are you okay?" I rushed forward arms reaching out and clutched Niki for dear life.

She awkwardly patted my back, clearly surprised by my reaction. "Yeah, yup, fine. Except I CAN'T BREATHE!"

"Oh, sorry." I let go and gave her a cheesy smile.

"Just landed on one of those damn rocks. Hurt a lot for a bit, but it's…"

She was staring, at my body._ Weird_. "Nikola? What are you- OH MON DIEU!" I looked down to find, well, not my clothes. I was wearing black lace-up riding boots, dark grey feminine trousers, a forest-green tunic, and a black corset laced and detailed with gold thread and had four buckles going across the front. On top of that, I wore an olive-colored jacket sort of thing, with gold buttons and lined with a sort of Celtic pattering, and a dark grey (darker than the pants) trench coat with elbow length sleeves, a hood, and lined with pale grey fur. I finally wore black fingerless gloves over steel gauntlets and my gold ring over the right glove. All in all, I looked like a bad-ass. Those colors complimenting the red in my hair and African-American skin.

Nikola was dressed the exact same way, but the colors were different. Her tunic was a grey-ish blue, her jacket-thing was navy, nearly black, her corset a reddish-brown, and her pants were dark brown with darker brown boots. Her coat was nearly the same brown as her boots and lined with tan fur. He also wore her silver ring over the dark tan gloves. She had a small bulge on her left wrist. M_ost likely her bracelets_, I thought. Finally, whatever was gold on me, was silver on her. We were both carrying rucksacks, obviously full, judging from the weight. "You look…_amazing_." I said crossing my arms.

"You don't look too bad yourself." She smirked, but it fell when she asked, "Where on God's green earth are we?"

"I have no freaking-"I stopped, as realization hit me. "Merde."

"What? When you swear, Eva, either something is _very_ wrong. So spill." Her greenish-blue eyes wide, in near panic.

"I think," I swallowed, "I think, we're in Middle Earth." Both of had read the fanfic's, books, and watched the movies to The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, extended edition of course. We read about all the ways people came to Middle Earth. Our situation was no different. Surprisingly, Niki was taking this rather well. She clasped a hand to her heart and let out a sigh of, _relief_? "How can you be so chill about this? We are in freaking Middle Earth!" I screamed gesturing to our surroundings.

"Could be worse." She said with a shrug. "We could be in Isengard, or worse, Mordor." She whispered the last word with a creepy voice and waggled her fingers like a witch. I shivered at the thought of being surrounded by orcs, now that the idea could very well come true. "Might as well get out of this forest. Where do you think we are?"

"How should I know? Anyway, shouldn't we see what's in our packs?" I asked jabbing a thumb over my back.

"No, let's not waste light so we can walk. We can check when we decide to settle for the night," she said, as she shouldered her satchel higher onto her back. Niki raised a brow and asked a very prominent question, "Which way do we go?"

I glanced around the forest, and pointed to my right. "That way." My voice was strangely definite about the decision.

"Why?"

I shrugged, "Intuition? Instinct? Gut feeling?"

"Oh, 'cause that can _always_ be trusted- hey, wait!" Nikola yelled after me, as I'd already started walking in that direction.

**-oOo-**

We were walking with what felt like hours, but in actuality, was either much longer or much shorter. The boots we had were strong, and had thick soles, so feet aching wasn't a problem. We were also warm, due to our many layers, I had to peel of the trench coat, because I was sweating from the unusual summer heat. At least we thought it was summer, for when we, 'left' it was late June.

After another four hours (or what seemed like it), we found a dirt road and continued right. More time passed and we, finally, broke through the trees, and our eyes were met with a most glorious sight. There were rolling green hills, and dotted with brightly colored and round doors. There were dirt and stone paths, a curved bridge over a small river. "PRAISE GOD! The Shire!" squealed Nikola as she fell to her knees and raised her arms in mock reverence. I just shook my head and patted her shoulder as she stood up.

"Oh Niki, Niki, Niki. How hard did you hit your head, anyway?" My snide comment was met with a playful glare. "Well, if it's the Shire, let's find Bilbo's or Frodo's house."

She wrapped her arms around me and squealed like a ten year old, "I'll never doubt your gut-feelings again!"

So we continued on our way down the dirt road, which quickly turned to worn stone. A hobbit would pass by every now and then, and stop to stare. Now, in the movies, Hobbits seemed slightly tall. But here, they were, literally, between three to four feet tall. But with me being five foot five, and Niki being an enormous size of five foot eight, it felt really weird suddenly being tall (except for Niki, who was the third tallest girl in our grade). We would smile and wave and continue walking when they passed, nonetheless. Some would even glare and scurry away on their large, hairy feet. We crossed the bridge and wandered around a couple of paths, and decided we were lost.

We had to stop a she-Hobbit with dirty-blonde ringlets of hair and a fading red dress and white apron and ask for a Bilbo Baggins. She stood there wide eyed for a moment then pointed in the way we were heading, "That way, for another mile. Has a green door, a gate and steps." We thanked her kindly. She nodded and hurried away, clutching the bundle of flowers she was carrying. We didn't notice her worried glance back, so we went on in the right direction.

"My feet hurt." I whined, lolling my head back. I opened my closed eyes to see the sky turning a darker shade of blue with wisps of orange clouds. "And it's getting dark."

"Here's a bridge," Niki gestured behind us to the stone bridge, the one we crossed earlier, "Now, get over it."

I huffed and continued after Nikola, who chuckled at her own joke. I would've as well, but that would make her smug, too.

Thirty minutes passed before I stopped, slapping my friend's arm, "Niki, here it is." She turned around and said something that made me fear for her sanity.

"Kick me, and punch me in the stomach."

"Wh-Why-What?" I stammered.

She rolled her eyes, "Well, we need a way to ask for help. So if it looks like we were mugged, we get hospitality."

"We have stuff in these bags, doofus." I pointed out.

"Duh, I know. Just hit me, and I'll do the talking." She shut her eyes and tightened her fists waiting for the impact. I looked around to see if anyone was around or watching. Finding no one, I promptly kicked my foot into her knee and rammed my curled fist into her stomach. "Thanks," was all she said before she groaned in pain, gripping her stomach, and fell to her knees.

"That was fun," I said, shaking my hurting hand. She stuck her tongue out childishly, and held her arms up like a baby.

"Now help me up, I can't stand."

I picked her up and slung her arm around her shoulder. She winced slightly at the pain as we slowly made our way up the famous Hobbit's stairs. Niki was breathing fine, which was good. I rapped on the door, and we waited. From inside, we heard the shuffling of feet then the click of an unlocking door. And we finally stood face to face with the younger version of, none other, than Bilbo Baggins.


	3. Chapter 3

**OH MY FRAKKING GOD! I just watch BotFA, literally, 30 minutes ago! I cried... five times.** **Don't y'all worry, no spoilers. So, as a treat for you, I decided an early update! Love you guys! Review if you dare... :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OC's...sadly.**

**-oOo-**

**Nikola's POV:**

Now, you the reader, are most likely thinking, "How do you know it is Bilbo, and not Frodo?"

Well, this Hobbit had a mop of dirty blonde hair, not blackish-brown. His eyes weren't that famous, brilliant blue. They were much more hazel. He also had the wrinkles of a thirty-five year old, not eighteen year old, even though, he was about fifty-one. He wore dark brown trousers with a white shirt and a pale yellow waistcoat. No shoes of course.

"Can I help you?" he asked, not suspiciously, but worriedly as he held his door.

"Yes please. My friend here, Eva, and I were attacked. We barely escaped with our lives. We lost all of our money and all we have is what we carry. I got hurt defending her." I glanced at Eva who hung her head sheepishly. "Since we have no gold for an inn, would you be kind enough to lend us a room for a night or two while we heal?" I smiled hopefully, trying to seem genuine. He squinted his eyes slightly, trying to see if we were lying. Finding nothing wrong, he opened his door wider to let us in. Must've been my cut and limping leg, the one time I've been thankful for getting hurt.

"Well, come on, let's get you both warmed up." We strode through his round door, having to duck under because of our height. "I'll go prepare a room for you two Miss…?"

"Nikola."

"And Eva."

"At your service." We said and bowed slightly at the same time.

"Bilbo Baggins, at yours. Well, the bedding in your room was just washed yesterday," he continued as he took off our coats and hung them on hooks by the door. They touched the floor with them being much larger than Hobbit coats and set our bags next to them. "Do you two mind sharing a room? I have only one room with beds large enough for you two."

"That's fine, thank you." Eva replied as she set me on the floor, the chairs being a little too small. "Should we take our shoes off?"

"No, no, it's quite alright." He said with a wave of his hand. "Oh don't put her on the floor! Give her to me, and I'll get her settled in your room."

Inside, it was pretty close to what the movies thought a Hobbit hole is like. Wooden walls and floors and furniture. Candles and a chandeliers dotted around, lighting up the house with a warm glow, along with the fading sunlight from round windows. Chests, chairs and tables filled the rooms, with round hallways. The only way to describe it was cozy and homely.

I used Bilbo as a support as we walked across the entry hall, through a circular opening and into another sort of hall. We turned right to a yellow door, round of course. I leant against the wall, noticing that Eva had trailed along silently, concern crossing her face. She mouthed 'sorry' and I had to hold back a snort. I asked for it.

Bilbo opened the door and lead me to one of the, unusually large for a Hobbit, beds. The room was like all the other rooms. Had a dresser with an oval mirror above it. Two beds already set for guests with white sheets and pillows and patterned quilts. Each had a bedside table with a lit candle. A painting of the Shire hung on the wooden wall between the beds. Another round door was set into the wall, which, presumably, led to a washroom. On the wall across the door, there was a small round window, to let in some natural light. I sank into the soft mattress with a sigh of relief. "Thank you Mr. Baggins, for your hospitality."

"Oh not at all. I love guests, unlike some certain other Hobbits." He strained the last three words. "You must have knocked on the Sackville-Baggins' door at some point." He said as he fluffed the pillow on my bed. "Anyway, that door over there leads to a washroom. Can you get there by yourself?"

"Oh it's not far, I'll be okay." I smiled.

He nodded in affirmation. "I can bring you some food and tea if you want," he continued awkwardly. He, while kind, didn't get many guests.

"Oh, oui s'il vous plaît!" Eva and I synchronized.

Bilbo scrunched his face up in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"

"Um, it means 'yes please'." Eva translated. He nodded his head a little and left us to settle in our rooms, muttering about how women were strange.

"That wasn't awkward." I said with raised eyebrows.

Eva nodded as she sat on the other bed, facing me. "Should we look in our bags, now?" I nodded in reply, as she went out to grab our bags. She came back and set my bag on the bed next to me and did the same to herself, but on the floor. Both of our bags were a faded dark brown. It had two pockets on the front with buckles to seal them shut. The main pocket had a large flap also with a buckle and a leather drawstring. Each pack held a dark green bedroll.

On the inside, it was filled with travelling necessities. A small sewing kit with needle and thread. A couple of bandages and two bottles of salve (labeled in English), one for burns, one for cuts. We had two water skins, empty, each. A little dried meat and fruit of unknown origins. I carried a hair-bush of stiff, horse hair, and Eva had a small, leather bound book with charcoal for writing. We also each had a map of Middle Earth, spare socks, trousers identical to the ones we wore, and tunic (mine dark magenta, and hers dark red), and soap wrapped in leather. The only thing we both had, but didn't know what it was, was a small wooden box with dried, scented leaves.

I held up the box and shook it slightly, with a raised brow. "Any ideas?"

Eva's eyes lit up and she began to snap her fingers, trying to recall their use and/or name, "Oh, those herbs! Oh shoot, I forgot their name. But their used as sort of birth control. Like, to stop your period from coming!" I pursed my lips and nodded, elated that we didn't have to go through that sort of pain at any point on the journey.

Bilbo strode through the door carrying a wobbling tray. Eva jumped up to help, but was shooed away. He set the tray on my bedside table which held some cheddar cheese, crackers, sausages, and two mugs of tea. Eva's eyes grew large and beamed at the sight of tea, and flapped her hands. "Oh my God, thank you. I'm starving."

"Eva, calm down." I said as I lowered my raised hand. "I apologize for her behavior. Aren't we sorry?" I asked pointedly at Eva.

"It's quite alright. It's good to know that some tall-people love tea as much as Hobbits." He stood there uneasily, as he slapped his arms at his sides. "Well, I'm off to make my own supper."

Eva and I looked at each other. "M'kay," my best friend replied.

"Just leave your tray on the dresser for me to fetch, when done." He turned and opened the door. There was a long pause as we ate our meals then left the tray on the dresser.

"He was wearing _that_ outfit." Eva looked up from her writing that she had just taken out.

"You're so weird." She shook her head and turned back to what she was doing.

"No, I mean today the dwarves are coming." I looked out the small window of the bedroom to find that the sky had darkened into night. "Soon as well." She looked up again at the door then back at me questioning on whether we should go outside. As a reply, I got up and walked, seeing as my leg suddenly felt better, into the living room and curled up on one of the chairs. Then we waited and waited…. And waited.

**-oOo-**

**Eva's POV:**

Niki and I sat in the living room thumbing through various books. Me trying to read, but Niki just staring at the pictures in a flower book. That was when the doorbell rang. We scurried to the doorway, abandoning the books on a side-table, and looked out. Bilbo looked at us with a raised brow. I shrugged, the dwarf outside was _definitely _not with us.

The sight before us, when the hobbit opened the door was terrifying and awesome at the same time. "Dwalin, at your service." The tall dwarf said gruffly with a bow. He was tall, a couple inches below my five foot four stature. He was bald with geometric tattoos littering his scalp and bare arms. His mustache and beard, both black, were parted and combed to look like bushy whiskers. He also had a fluffy pelt belted to his torso with wide belts. Those also held two large, and _very _sharp looking axes. I was fan-girling on the inside, not intimidated at all. Niki most likely wasn't either by the dumbfounded look on her face.

Bilbo, on the other hand, was very intimidated. He made a small squeak of surprise. "Bilbo Baggins, at yours. Do-do we know each other?" he continued as Dwalin strode through the round door.

"No." Dwalin answered, matter-of-factly. Niki, then, jumped out and ran into the room and gave a small bow.

"Nikola, at your service. Excuse me for a moment." She ran back across the hall and out of sight as Dwalin reached for his axe.

"Who was that?" I groaned and came out through the doorway.

"Sorry about her. NIKI BOELITZ, GET OVER HERE NOW AND SAY HELLO!" I yelled through the door. Dwalin was looking at me like I was a talking fish.

"And who are the lasses?" he asked Bilbo.

"Guests." Dwalin nodded, sheathing his axe, seeming satisfied with the answer.

"I'm Eva, at your service." I said with a slight bow. I wanted to make a good impression if Niki and I were to go with the rest of them tomorrow. He bowed back with a blank expression.

"Where is it laddie?" the dwarf asked going in the direction my friend went. I zoned out of the conversation as we went to the kitchen. All I knew was that they were talking about food.

We found Niki in there setting down a plate with cheese, ham and crackers and five scones on the table, Bilbo's fish nowhere to be seen. She whispered to the hobbit and he beamed and thanked her.

**-oOo-**

Dwalin finished stuffing his face full of the dinner before him and rest of the scones after asking for more. Bilbo wandered off to the pantry. "What did you do when you ran off?" I asked. God, I sounded like my mother.

"I hid Bilbo's dinner from Dwalin in the pantry." She whispered into my ear. Good job, Niki. The doorbell rang again, just as Niki stopped talking.

"That'll be the door." The dwarf glared at us, clearly annoyed about something.

I opened the front door, with Niki standing behind me. Holy crap, Badass Santa had arrived. "Balin, at your service." The white bearded dwarf said with a flourishing bow. Cheerful fellow.

"Good evening." Niki and I synchronized.

"Yes, yes it is. Though I think it might rain later. Am I late?" he asked, as he let himself in.

"Late for what?" piped a familiar voice, Bilbo.

"Ah, Balin, at your service." He said again with the same bow. "Oh!" yelled the old dwarf, "Evening brother." We swiveled around to find, quite literally, Dwalin's hand caught in the cookie jar, almost looking guilty. Almost.

"By my beard," the tall dwarf replied, setting down the jar, "You're wider and shorter than we last met."

"Wider, not shorter. Sharp enough for the both of us." Balin said with a wink. They then took each other's shoulders and smashed their forehead's together.

"I can't. I just can't" Niki muttered, blinking her blue eyes in amazement.

"You can't even?" I muttered back. We walked back towards the front door, waiting for the next visitors. Niki, was going to be ecstatic about this next pair. She was already shuffling her feet in impatience. We sat down on the floor and waited, listening to Bilbo explain to the Fundin brothers that he liked visitors a bit, but only when he knew them, but was promptly ignored. The doorbell rang, for the third time that night. Niki shot up, overly hyper, and bursting with happiness. Oh dear Lord, give me patience.

**-oOo-**

**Nikola's POV:**

I practically dove for the door handle. Eva got up and stood next to me. I opened the door to find my two favorite dwarves.

"Fili," introduced the blonde on the left.

"And Kili," introduced the brunette on the right.

"At your service." They said and bowed deeply together. I was screaming and fan-girling on the inside, but kept my composure. Eva and I matched their cheeky grins and hooked our arms together.

"Nikola"

"And Eva"

"At your service," we said together. I swear that wasn't planned, but it was amazing, nonetheless.

"NO! You can't come in, you've come to the wrong house!" cried Bilbo as he ran to the door to shut it. Only for Kili to shove his boot in to stop it.

"What? Has it been cancelled?" he asked. He was pouting slightly with wide eyes of fear.

"No one told us," finished Fili.

"Nope! Everything's in order!" I said, still giving the two brothers a wide smile. Bilbo looked at me like I had just insulted him.

"Well that's a relief!" Kili allowed him and his brother to strut through the door. They smiled their usual smiles at us before Kili hung up his weapons, and Fili dropped his knives and his twin swords into Bilbo's arms.

"Careful with these. I just had them sharpened," told Fili, before he kept taking all, and I mean _all_, his knives out and placing them in Eva's hands, seeing Bilbo was full.

"It's nice this place. Did you do it yourself?" asked Kili. _Good job being polite_. He then began to scrape the mud and dirt onto Bilbo's mothers' glory box. Bilbo told him off, but he didn't listen.

Eva carefully hung each knife on a peg and tugged me towards the pantry after Fili and Kili. "Holy merde. It's them!" I squealed into Eva's ear. She muttered French curses at her ringing ears and began dragging food out onto the large table.

"Let's shove this in the hall, or we'll never get everyone in," ordered Balin as he clapped Kili, then Fili on the shoulder.

"Ev-everyone? How many more are there?" Bilbo asked incredulously. I thought it was absolutely hilarious that Bilbo was freaking out. At last, the final bell rang and Bilbo began to panic. As he went off I grabbed a large ham from the pantry, and was approached by Kili. _Oh my God, keep calm don't freak out_. I thought to myself. I heard yelling and grumbling from the front, and dwarves of nearly every shape and size came running into the pantry for food.

"Who are you?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

This was also the first time I saw Kili up close. His hair was a dark brown, almost black, and shoulder length. Some was pulled back and secured with a silver bead. His face was, well, _very _handsome for a dwarf, not that I was complaining. His leather jacket was off so he wore a similar jacket-thingy to me and a lighter blue tunic underneath, plus dark grey trousers and black boots. I was a whole foot and a half taller than him, so I actually had to bend my head down to look at him.

"If you didn't hear my name the first time, I'm Nikola, and Gandalf asked Eva and me to be here."

"What's that on your face?" he pointed at my nose and I took off my glasses, balancing the ham on one hand.

"These? They're glasses. They help me see better, since I have bad eyesight." I put my Ray-Bans back on and placed the ham on the table. I saw Eva sitting in a chair, pouting. "What's wrong? You okay?" I asked, worrying.

"I hate parties. And dinners" she grouched. I stomped over to her, pulled her up and dragged her to the pantry, having to shove past staring dwarves to get there.

"Well, make yourself useful, instead of being lazy. Chop-chop, sooner we finish this the sooner we can eat, then finish all together," I clapped my hands together and shooed her inside the room.

"Are you two friends?" I turned back to the dwarf and smiled.

"Yeah. Best friends in fact." He frowned a bit and looked around then back at me.

"What are two lasses like yourself doing here?" I thought at his question, not really knowing the answer.

"Spare burglars I guess, if Mr. Baggins doesn't come, reinforcements, who knows?" I'm sure Gandalf knew, but he wasn't going to tell us, that's for sure.

Bilbo yelled at the dwarves for taking is stuff, "Excuse me! Put that back! _Put that back_. Not the jam please." He continued yelling at the dwarves and asked if Bomber needed a cheese knife for his three wheels of cheddar.

Bofur just said, "Cheese knife? He eats it by the block." I snickered at Bilbo as I ferried tomatoes and Eva carried a platter of sausages next to me, also snickering.

I passed Gandalf as he was counting off all the dwarves, "Fili, Kili… Nikola, Eva… Oin, Gloin, Dwalin, Balin… Bifur, Bofur, Bomber... Dori, Nori, Ori." _Wait, he counted us off! We don't even know him, yet!_

"Uh, Gandalf. How do you know us?" I asked.

"Well, I, Ori!" he told Ori off for trying to take some tomatoes from Bilbo. "Anyway, I brought you here. With a little help of course." _ Well that was blunter than I thought_. "Any other questions will be answered in due time, my dear." _There's the Grey Wizard we all love from the movies! _He patted me on the shoulder, dismissing me. I sat myself between Kili and Eva, who had Fili on her other side. _What help? Why did he bring us here? How did we get here? _ I asked myself.

Then, the feast began, and what a feast it was.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sooooooooooo...I was going to post this as a Christmas present, then as a New Year's present, but now... yeah. My editor got lazy on sending me a copy of the chapters, so I couldn't update (I still love you editor!). It was honestly my fault, because I lost my pen drive, but at least I know where it is. So here's the next chapter at last. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OC's.**

**-oOo-**

**Eva's POV:**

I asked Dori for the tea he offered to Gandalf, which he happily handed over. I chugged it like it was beer, ignoring the scalding on my tongue and its lemony, herbal taste. I was miserable.

Niki, on the other hand was having a ball. She piled sausages, ham, and veggies onto her plate and was engaging in conversation with Fili and Kili. Something about dual swords and bows and arrows, I honestly couldn't care less. It always made me wonder how Nikola could eat so much and not get wider. I just wanted to be the introvert I was.

I put a single sausage and one scoop of mashed potatoes on my plate, not really hungry. Food was being wasted as it was tossed back and forth between the dwarves. Niki, bless her soul, had yet to throw food across the table.

"Bomber, catch!" yelled Bofur as he tossed a white-something to his brother, who caught it in his mouth. Everyone cheered.

"Try me!" yelled a feminine voice. Good Lord in heaven, please don't. Niki had her mouth wide open waiting for Bofur to toss something into it. When he did, she stood up from her chair, hit her head on the roof of the room, and got the thrown food in her face.

The entire room erupted into laughter with fists smashing the table and I nearly cried I was laughing so hard with the others. "You'll regret that." She wiped the food off of her face and threw a carrot at Bofur, only to hit Gloin, instead. He growled and a food fight incurred. I slid my chair back against the wall, with my plate of food in my lap, to avoid getting hit. I saw Dwalin pour some of his ale into poor Oin's ear horn. He blew it out with a small trumpet sound much to the amusement of everyone else.

Fili got up on top of the table and began handing out ales to everyone, somehow not stepping on any food at all. "Who wants an ale? Here you go! Want any lasses?" we waved him away, saying we already had some. Which was a lie obviously.

"Over here brother!" cried the darker brother, waving a hand. When he received the tankard, he slapped his brother's calf, "Now get off the table."

"Does everyone have one?" A cheer and raising of cups resounded around the crowded room as they clanked them together, including Niki's, filled with water.

"Ale on the count of three. One, two-" counted Bofur.

"Up!" cried Kili, cutting off Bofur. They all began chugging their drinks, many spilling half into their beards. Nikola actually kept her drink from spilling, thank the Lord.

As everyone finished their ales, Nori let out a couple of small burps. Only to be out matched by his little brother, who let out a long, deep belch. Niki had a second mug of water and was chugging that as the dwarves watched and cheered her on. They were silent as she slammed the mug down and she beat little Ori's burp with a long one with various highs and lows. Everyone cheered, and Kili slapped her on the back.

"I knew you had it in you!" the dwarf slurred. He was totally wasted.

The feast quickly ended after that and dwarves started to get up. I took Niki and my plates up to the sink for washing. We found Bofur waiting, with arms crossed. Waiting for Kili and Fili to break out High School Musical style, no doubt. I shrugged and continued into the hallway.

"Excuse me? I'm sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?" asked Ori to Bilbo. He was the most polite dwarf there was. More so than all the rest put together.

I leant against the wall next to Niki, who had her foot propped against the wall. I gave her a look. _Wait for it… wait for it._ She nodded, she tucked her chin in and smiled while pursing her lips out at the same time, her 'come on, do it' face. "Here you go Ori, give it to me." said Fili, who threw the plate to Kili, who, in turn, threw it to an unseen Bifur.

They kept tossing plates back and forth towards the kitchen. The sounds of clanging cutlery coming from the dining room adding to the growing beat. Niki pushed off the wall, dancing left and right, dodging plates, to the dining room, somehow being elegant even while ducking under the doorways. She picked up a couple of plates and tossed them to Fili. Each of them having a smile plastered to their mischievous faces.

"Excuse me! That's my mother's West Farthing pottery, it's over a hundred years old!" Bilbo was flustered with anger, but looked adorable at the same time. "C-could you not do that? You'll blunt them!" he turned on the dwarves clashing the knives and forks together. He looked like he was about to have a stroke.

Bofur, slightly amused by Bilbo, and not the least intimidated by him either, mocked the poor Hobbit. "Ooh, you hear that lads? He says we'll blunt the knives." I pinched the bridge of my nose,_ Merde, here we go._

"_Blunt the knives, bend the forks_," began Kili as he beckoned to his brother for more pottery.

"_Smash the bottles and burn the corks_," continued his brother as he bounced a bowl from one elbow to another, before tossing it to Kili.

"_Chip the glasses and crack the plates._" Sang all the dwarves, and Niki. "_That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!_"

Niki tossed cutlery alongside the dwarves to Kili and Fili. They winked at her and she winked back. "_Cut the cloth, tread on the fat,_" everyone continued, "_Leave the bones on the bedroom mat._" I whipped my head around, reeling at how quickly this was escalating, and unconsciously tapping my foot to the beat.

Dwalin used his tattooed skull to bounce bowls and plates to Nori, who kicked them to Bifur, in a sort of jig. "_Pour the milk on the pantry floor. Splash the wine on every door!_" Ori was carrying an unusually large stack of plates, with a startled look on his face, to the kitchen to be cleaned. Bilbo just watched, completely horrified by the scene and Gandalf dodged back and forth, amused by the expression on the Halfling's face and the dwarves' and Nikola's antics.

"_Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl._" They all continued as they twirled and tossed everything to the sink. I found myself singing along with them. I thought it was all hilarious, so I got up and caught a plate and lobbed it to Balin, who bounced it back to Fili with his own plate. Bombur was wiping the plates off and eating ant leftovers.

"_Pound them up with a thumping pole._" Kili tossed a fork to Bifur, who caught it in front of his face, before it could impale his eye.

"Holy-," I started, before catching a plate, awkwardly, and lobbing it to Kili in the same fashion. Bofur was using his flute and Oin a teapot to keep the tune up.

"_When you're finished, if they are whole! Send them down the hall to roll!_" we all sang, in tune. "_That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!_"

Everyone crowded into the kitchen to laugh at the flabbergasted Hobbit, who was relieved to find that none of the things we sang about, had happened. But, everything was stacked nicely on a table in front of a sitting Gandalf. "Look at his fa…"Kili started before doubling over in fits of laughter. Niki was slapping her knee, snorting in laughter with me sniggering alongside her.

The mood ended and everyone went silent when three thumps echoed from the front door.

"He is here," whispered Gandalf mysteriously.

As everyone began to head to the door, Nikola pulled me to the side. "Now remember, don't show fear or weakness, or we'll never go on this quest. 'Kay?" I gulped and nodded. Too late.

We weaved past the dwarves and stood next to Bilbo and Gandalf as the door opened to reveal the most majestic being alive.

Thorin was taller than all the dwarves, sans Dwalin. About a head shorter than Niki. His thick black hair fell just past his shoulders with one braid on each side of his face. His gaze was steady and was constantly judging and calculating. For what he was judging, was a mystery. His walk was of utter surety and was overloaded with pride, showing that he was clearly the one in charge.

"Gandalf, I thought you said this place would be easy to find." A ghost of a smirk crossed his face but was gone quickly. "I lost my way, twice. I never would have found it at all, had it not been for that mark on the door."

Bilbo, being Bilbo, got a wee angry. "Mark? There's no mark on that door, it was painted a week ago." I shook my head. _ Way to go Bilbo. Way to show how amazing you are._

"There is a mark, I put it there myself," corrected Gandalf. He gestured to the Hobbit then Thorin. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield."

Thorin glanced at us then back at Bilbo. "So, this is the Hobbit? Tell me Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?" He began to circle and eye the Halfling similar to a wolf observing some prey. I then decided that I would try to stay as silent as possible as to not cause any trouble.

"Pardon me?"

"Axe or sword, what is your weapon of choice?" he stopped in front of Bilbo and continued to glower at him.

"Well, I have some skill at _conkers_ if you must know," he replied, pleased with himself. That confidence left as soon as it came when he continued, hiccupping as he went along, "But, I fail to see why… that's… relevant."

Thorin smirked in that irritating way. "Thought as much. Looks more like a grocer than a burglar." The chuckles of the other dwarves added to our anger.

"Hey! That was rude! What did Bilbo ever do to you?" Why Niki, why did you have to say that.

Thorin whirled on Nikola, "Who are you to talk to me like that?" _Please be quiet, Nikola_, I prayed.

"He's your host and, technically, you're trespassing. So, I believe he has the right to throw you out if he wants." Merde.

"Ah, allow me to introduce Lady Nikola and Lady Eva. They are to accompany us on our quest." Thorin turned on Gandalf, fury radiating from him.

"I will not take two _girls_ on this quest." He spat the word girls, which made Nikola cross her arms and frown. "They will just weigh us down. They are useless to me." That, made both of us turn red in anger. Nikola clenched her fists, itching to hit his face.

"I brought them here for a reason. A woman's intuition is highly valued, they have valuable skills, and they can handle themselves, correct?" Gandalf asked us. Niki nodded, I didn't.

Thorin sighed, and began to look Niki over. She kept her glare fixed on Thorin the entire time. When he faced her again, he asked the same weapons question.

"Dual swords, dagger, and hand to hand combat."

"Can you _wield_ them?" Thorin was quickly losing patience, which wasn't good.

Niki shrugged. "I'm alright with the blades, but not as good as Fili." He smiled slightly at the implied compliment. "But, I'm _very _good at hand to hand fighting."

Thorin, still unsatisfied, turned to and began judging me. I trained my eyes on the wall, refusing to fidget, despite my uncomfortableness. The first words out of his rude-ass mouth angered me greatly. I was also surprised no one else asked about it earlier, though. "What's wrong with your skin?" Nikola turned red in anger, for some unknown reason.

"My skin is fine, thank you. Many people are like this where we come from. And if another comment like that comes out of your mouth, there will be _Hell _to pay" I said, clenching my own fists, my wrath near to boiling over. I was from Nigeria, so my skin color was very normal. _Another racist comment and, I swear, I will kick your ass, then Niki will finish. _I thought.

Thorin humph-ed. "And weapons?"

I looked down, my anger dissipating into shyness. "Um, I, well, don't know how to use any weapons."

"That's what I'm for." Said Nikola as she raised a hand.

"Thought as much. Too large for this quest any way." That made my head snap up, rage and unhappiness etching my face. But, what happened next was _shocking_.

Niki hooked her foot around Thorin's, causing him to become unbalanced. In one swift motion, she pushed on his chest, toppling him over, and unsheathing a dagger from his belt with the other. She stabbed the blade into the king's sleeve and knelt on his other arm as he reached to free it, pinning him to the ground. The look of surprise on his face was utterly priceless. Everyone else's was too shocked at her actions to even consider defending their king. I squeaked in astonishment and covered my mouth with my hands.

"You just insulted my best friend, twice. I suggest you don't do it again." She sneered. She let that settle in for a couple seconds. Then, in one motion she got up, pulled the blade out of his blue sleeve, and twirled it around so the hilt faced Thorin, who snatched it away with a snarl.

Niki winced slightly, as the blade sliced her finger and palm sending a few droplets of blood to the wood t her feet. She turned and bowed to Bilbo, "I apologize, Mr. Baggins for your floor." She turned on her heel and stomped to our temporary bedroom. After the shock left, mostly, everyone began to walk to the dining room.

"Did the lass really-?" Muttered Gloin. Those around him nodded dumbly as Thorin was cursed in Khuzdul under his breath. I was just happy that no one died as I jogged after Nikola to tend to her hand.

**-oOo-**

"Ow. Ow. _Owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow-" _

"Calm down. You're not dying. I'm almost done." I gripped her wrist in my hand, holding tighter when she squirmed. "For God's sake, _let me finish_." I pressed. Lightly dampening the wrap in the leftover whisky in the bottle Bilbo had so graciously offered, I firmly tied it off on her hand, leaving it in a sort of sling with her thumb and fingers free. Niki sighed in relief, yelling out in indignation when I slapped the side of her head.

"What the hell was that for?" she cried.

"That was for being stupid. Thank you a ton for having my back, but it was still stupid." I growled. She shoved me. I pushed her back, and somehow we ended up in a rolling mess on our bedroom floor. Thanks to my larger build I was able to pin her down, somewhat, while she was still squirming underneath me.

We glared at each other for a solid minute before a small bubble of laughter erupted from her. I fought to keep the smirk off of my face, but in the end lost, and before we knew it we were beside each other in a fit of laughter.

A fit that was cut off by a loud thump that my ears picked up outside the door. I tapped Niki, who was wiping her eyes. "What was that?"

"What was what?" she coughed.

I got up, followed by Niki, and opened the door, moving down the hallway. We turned the corner to find the dwarves staring dumbly at Bilbo, who was now unconscious in the front hall. My medical instincts kicked in, pushing past them and kneeling beside Bilbo.

"Leave him. He'll get up eventually." Thorin glowered from his seat. I ignored him, unwrapping the multicolored earth toned evening robe from Bilbo and slipping him out of it. I could hear the chair scraping at Thorin stood up, irritation evident. "Are you stupid, girl? I said-"

I whirled around on him hard enough to give whiplash, eyes dark and blazing. "You can either help me or get somebody else to do it. Otherwise, as long as I am doing this, you either shut your pie hole or I can do it for you right after I kick you in your princely derriere. _Got it_?" I spat, ignoring his speechless expression.

"Oh snap. It just got real." Niki snickered.

Fili leaned over to her, stunned as everyone else. "Did that just happen?"

She nodded. "She doesn't kid around when it comes to hurt people. Or unconscious for that matter."

"Niki!" I yelled, more loudly than I needed to. She came over, greeting me with a mock salute.

"What do you need captain?" I rolled my eyes, but she could tell I was grateful for helping me calm down before I broke something. Or someone.

"You get the tea. Fili, Kili, help me." The two dwarves were stunned with my sharpness of tone, but my main priority was getting Bilbo help and, more importantly, off the floor. We hoisted on my count, moving the still unconscious hobbit into the lounge area, in front of the fireplace. I threw a few more logs in for good measure, before leaning in front of Bilbo and lightly slapping him on the face.

"Bilbo. Bilbo. Hey, buddy wake up."

The hobbit groaned and I grinned, taking two fingers and checking his pulse as an extra precaution, just in case. "Wha- What happened? Why am I-" He started to get up, but I firmly pushed him back into the seat.

"You passed out. Sit. " I explained, thanking Niki who came over with the tea. I took it, handing it to Bilbo before standing upright and looking towards Gandalf, who seemed rather impressed and slightly amused. "Gandalf?" I asked.

"Of course." The wizard smiled, taking a seat beside Bilbo.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair and sending a silent greeting to the dwarf brothers who stood beside Gandalf. Niki came back over, leaning against the wall where I was and shooting Thorin a _suck-it-loser_ expression.

"Thank you, girls." Bilbo said from his place at the chair, stirring his tea slowly. "I don't know how I could ever repay you."

I opened my mouth to say it was no problem before Niki cut in. "You can start by letting us go with you on this quest."

Bilbo nearly choked on his tea, and I jabbed my elbow into Niki's side. _Way to go._ Thorin moved from his spot, coming forward. "Absolutely not," he growled. His gaze flickered over to Gandalf, who was calmly taking another breath of his pipe. The smell filled my nostrils, making me feel slightly lightheaded. "You said you would provide a burglar, not additional baggage!" he spat. At the last word had Niki moving forward before I grasped her arm, holding her back.

"Let me kill him," she hissed, too quiet for anyone but me and probably Gandalf to hear.

"If you do that, then we will have twelve angry dwarves on our butts...not to mention a dead body. _Calm down."_ I whispered fiercely.

"The first statement of this may be true, Thorin, but I hardly think these girls would be baggage. One shown the prowess of a warrior, the other a healer. They will no doubt be valuable assets to your quest, and if not…" he let the sentence hang in the air, giving Niki and I a look I couldn't quite figure out.

I swallowed, stepping forward with my palms out. "Look, we're sorry if we've been a bother to you and your… posse. But if Bilbo goes, then we don't have anywhere to go. We don't even know how we got to the Shire, let alone Middle Earth. With that said, we do this the old fashioned American way: take a vote." I suggested, meeting eyes with Gandalf, who was looking impressed. Bilbo looked as though he wanted to disappear, and right now I couldn't blame him.

Thorin looked like he wanted to break something. My hand moved around to Niki, squeezing it tightly as he glared at the both of us. The seconds dragged on, before he broke it.

"_If_," he began, and I stopped Niki from jumping up and down with excitement, "the burglar agrees." Our eyes turned to Bilbo, silently wishing and/or forcing him to say yes.

"I haven't even signed the document!" he sputtered.

"So?" Niki and I demanded.

The air was thick with tension that is, until the Hobbit stood up abruptly, nearly knocking his tea to the floor.

"I am sorry, but I cannot accept this." He stated, casting an apologetic glance to both us. I about ready to punch him, the little _merde_, in the face, as did Niki. He bid everyone an uncomfortable goodnight, striding down the hall as our stares followed him.

I collapsed in his former chair, covering my eyes with one hand and trying to control the whirlwind of emotions burying itself into my chest. Niki stormed off to God knows where shouting curses left and right.

"Where are you going?" Kili asked, eyes wide (probably from hearing so many swear words spilling out of a girl's mouth).

"Outside."

A tentative hand came onto my shoulder and I glanced up to find the warm, but sympathetic eyes of Fili.

"If it helps," he said quietly. "I would have gone for the American way for you."

I held back a chuckle at the mispronunciation of my home country, but the gesture was kind nonetheless. And in the chair, I heard more curses echo around and a light thumping resonating against the walls.

**-oOo-**

**Nikola's POV:**

I sat on Bilbo's bench in a huff, but got up anyway and paced. Without going on this quest, I would never see my family again and never make it home. And it was all Thorin's fault. I sat down again as the green door opened.

"Lady Nikola? Are you alright?"

I looked to see shy Ori standing in the doorway. I nodded, pushing myself up.

"Fantastic." I weaved around the dwarf, him trailing after me.

We walked through the entrance, Ori peeling away to go somewhere, so I walked towards the living room, now feeling sorry for what I had did. I happened to walk straight into the middle of a conversation between Balin and Thorin.

"Then we are with you laddie." I heard Balin say as I rounded the corner. Both dwarves turned to stare at me, Balin smiling slightly and Thorin glaring daggers. I shuffled my feet in uncomfortableness and felt heat rise to my cheeks.

"S-sorry for interrupting. I-I think I'll just go." I took a step forward in between them, only to have my arm grabbed by Thorin. I flinched more as a reflex, but allowed him to pull me back to my original position. Balin pat my shoulder and left towards the living room. I looked down at the dwarf king as he glared at me in an _extremely _painful silence. I couldn't stand it, like I could cut the tension with a knife, so I broke it.

"I'm sorry I attacked you. There was no excuse to what I did and you have every right to be angry, or to even impale me right here, right now." He frowned as I continued on in my rambling. "It's just, me and Tolu have no home left either, and we're travelling alone and have nowhere to go, plus no money for anything. We honestly want to help you, we really do, and we think we are valuable assets despite our gender and race and age. And, yeah, there you go. I made my case, and it's your decision." The entire time I kept talking and didn't breathe, so I sucked in deeply to stop my world from turning.

He didn't smile, but Thorin didn't frown either, so that must've been a good sign. "I will allow you to come with us. This company needs new warriors and seeing as you…." He coughed into his fist. "Well, let's never speak of that again. That's quite a skill for someone like….you." My eyes widened and I beamed, practically squirming in glee. "_But_, your friend isn't to come. She can't fight and will just weigh us down." I sighed, trying to keep my short temper in check.

"Look, Mister Thorin, we-we can't split up. She's practically my sister and I won't leave her. She may not have many useful skills in your eyes, but she _is _a fast learner and _is _eager to do so. She can train in weapons along the journey. Please?"

"Very well. You both can come." I covered my mouth to stifle my sequel of joy. "However," he held his hand up to silence me and I gave him a _really-dude?_ look. "You will be responsible for keeping her alive, and in return you can come with us and you will be under the company's protection." I nodded, trying to keep my face serious.

"Sir, yes sir. And, also, I'm not mean, just a defensive badass." He gave me a blank look as I turned on my heel to the living room and told Tolu the good news. She was absolutely elated and we almost screamed like little girls in our excitement.

As we sat in one chair, legs dangling over the arms we watched the dwarves pooling in and taking their seats on the many stools and armchairs with us. The only ones standing were Thorin, Dwalin, and Kili. Then the humming began. It was deep and mournful as Eva and I exchanged looks, _here come the feels_.

"_Far over the Misty Mountains cold_." Thorin began to sing in his *cough* lovely *cough* baritone voice. "_To dungeons deep and caverns old_." Eva was on the verge of tears, already. I just sat and listened, feeling the same way and willing myself not to sing along.

"_We must away, ere break of day, to find our long forgotten gold_." Many other dwarves joined in with Thorin, including Balin, Bofur, and others I couldn't see, while the rest hummed. "_The pines were roaring on the height. The winds were moaning in the night. The fire was red, it flaming spread. The trees like torches blazed with light._"

A single tear rolled down my cheek, the first since we got here, as I stared into the dying fire. Eva was asleep beside me, snoring lightly. Everyone didn't move for a while, letting the feeling of loss sink in, for _all_ of us. "Get some sleep, we leave at first light." Thorin stalked away to somewhere as I curled into the soft cushions of the armchair and relaxed into sleep at the steady breathes of Eva's light snoring.

**-oOo-**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again! I know, my updates are really sporadic. I'm horrible.**

**Anyway, here's a long chapter for y'all. Hope you guys enjoy. I was thinking of changing the rating to M for swearing and maybe violence. I have no idea at the moment. I'm always looking for more reviews, because they make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OC's. Everything else is Tolkien's.**

**-oOo-**

**Nikola's POV:**

Early the next morning, I found myself awkwardly sharing Kili's pony and Eva with Fili's. Fili trotted his pony beside ours, grinning ear to ear, and Eva's eyes were wide while she clutched to the back of the saddle. She refused to wrap her arms around Fili like me and Kili. "So, you two, up for a bet?"

"Depends." Kili and I replied together

"I bet both of you that Bilbo won't come."

"Fine." Kili said. "You know I always win these, brother."

Fili smiled, "Since you have no gold or silver to bet," he looked to me, "you have to serve me for the rest of the quest."

"If I win, I get one of your knives." I knew I was going to win. What I was losing didn't matter. Fili looked like he was having a mini-panic attack, while Kili laughed.

"And I get ten gold pieces if I win." Fili was peeved, but nodded in agreement and we shook hands. Not thirty minutes passed before yelling was heard.

"Wait, WAIT!" everybody stopped their horses as a winded Bilbo came running up to Balin's white pony. "I signed it." He handed the contract to Balin who took out an octagonal eye piece and peered at the bottom of the parchment.

"Everything appears to be in order. Welcome master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield." He announced. Some groans sounded while some cheered quietly. "Pass this to the lasses, they need to sign as well."

As the contract and some charcoal was passed back Thorin said, "Give him a pony."

"No, no, no, no, that won't be necessary, thank you. I can keep up on foot."

Fili and Kili gave each other a smile before urging their ponies up next to Bilbo. "I-I've done my fair share of, uh, walking holidays. Even got as far as Frog Morton once…AH!" Kili and Fili picked Bilbo up by his pack and dropped him onto the pack pony, Myrtle. Eva and I signed the contract below Bilbo's name. At last, we were truly a part of the quest to reclaim Erebor.

Bilbo was so scared, already. He held the reins away from him, but also away from Myrtle. His posture was slouched but stiff. I'll tell him and Eva some riding advice, later. "Fili! Guess what?"

"What?" he groaned.

"You owe me a knife and Kili some money!" Then the dwarves caught on with me and Nori tossed Oin a small sack of gold and many others were thrown as well. Eventually, Gandalf was tossed one as he talked to Bilbo about how we all, sans Eva and Thorin, placed bets.

Bilbo sneezed and started searching his person. "Wait, wait, STOP! We have to turn around." I groaned as did many others. Eva raised her brows at me. _What? _I shrugged.

"What on earth is the matter?" asked an exasperated wizard. Bilbo replied something, which was inaudible to me. I knew it was about his forgotten handkerchief, though.

Bofur ripped a piece of cloth off of his clothes and tossed it to Bilbo, "Here, use this." Bilbo caught it and scrunched his nose up when he sniffed it.

"Move on." Yelled Thorin, and we continued onward.

We kept riding for the rest of the day. I chatted with Fili, Kili and Eva. Mostly about interests. It got awkward when he asked about our home.

"Well, Eva and I are from a land called America, in the city of Seattle. It lies in a bay surrounded my many small islands called the Puget Sound. The water there is one of the coldest around, and we both have swam in it." I pointed to me and Eva. "It's very far to the West. Much further past Valinor itself, I believe." Fili and Kili turned to stare at me, eyes wide, as were the other dwarves around us.

"How did you get to the Shire then?" asked Dori.

Eva and I shrugged. Eva replied before me. "We don't know. We were at my house, when we just felt a lot of pain before we passed out, then POOF." She waved her hands in an arc. "We woke up in the Shire." I nodded assuring what she said to everyone.

"I'm sorry. I hope you can get home again." Said Bombur. We shrugged, dropping the subject of home.

We stopped for the night, and Fili fulfilled his promise by giving me a dagger. The blade was silver and broad and about as long as my hand with the hilt a dark, woven leather. Eva got us archery lessons from Kili and sword lessons for herself from Dwalin. I went to sleep that night, thinking my life just got a hundred times more interesting.

**-oOo-**

**Eva's POV:**

The next few days were relatively normal, or as normal as a day with two rambunctious girls, thirteen dwarves, a hobbit, and wizard could get. Two more days passed after the first, and each night, Nikola and I would practice archery with Kili's spare bow. I quickly took to it, never missing the makeshift target and hitting the center on my seventh shot on the first night of training. Kili was really impressed actually, and getting praised in weapon's use kept me going at it. Niki was good at it, but never hit the center. We found that the kind of bow that we were practicing with was different to Kili's. His didn't bend at the middle. He allowed Niki to use it on many circumstances. On her first shot, she hit the center (with help of posture and hand positioning before, of course).

On the third day of travelling, we reached a rushing river. The kind that would sweep you away if you lost your footing. The kind where our ponies could barely stand and could go down as well.

We went across in pairs with relatively no problems. By 'relatively' I mean until Fili and Kili went across and their ponies tripped and were all nearly swept away. Thankfully, they pulled their drenched and freezing bodies to shore along with their rearing and panicked ponies. We lost the packs attached to the two with included mostly food and their personal items.

The next nine days went on slowly and quickly, if that's even possible. It really depended on the day. The day usually went like this: get up at first light, have short breakfast of ready food or Bombur's stew, ride for the entire day, only stop as night fell, set up camp out of sight of the road and have more stew, practice archery with Kili, then sleep always with someone on watch.

On the fourth day after the river, Niki asked Fili for sword and throwing knife practice as well as archery. "Oh my God Nikola. You are going to be armed to the teeth! What's the point of knowing all that?" I asked after she asked for the lessons, Fili saying yes with no hesitation.

"To protect myself, dummen Kopf. I'm having backup weapons to my backup weapons. When those creatures attack, those bitches better watch out" And thus, Niki had fit sword and knife lessons into archery lessons each night, as well, showing much promise with both weapons. On the first night managing to disarm Fili's sword with one of his own (he leant it to her, as he used the other) and hit the bulls-eye twice with the knives, and only missed once.

On the fifth day, we all learned that Niki has a sly pranking side. One day, she and Kili devised to put a grass snake in Dori's pack. To say he screamed, would be an understatement, while Niki and Kili laughed so hard, they cried. At that same day, we girls taught the brothers the fist-bump, high-five, and flump (a mix of the two).

Another day, they placed a spider, a _really large_, spider on my nose. This spider was huge, like, the size of my thumb, huge! I screamed and ran up a tree. Which, was really embarrassing. I saw Niki and Kili rolling on the ground, crying their eyes out from laughter.

The next day, Niki told Kili to loosen the saddle strap on Fili's saddle. Once he tried getting on, he instantly feel to the ground.

"KILI! YOU _WILL _PAY!" He came to me that night and devised more devious pranks to play on the two. So Fili and I had prepared a rotten peach to lob at his brother. In the morning, while we rode, Kili fell for the old 'look-over-there-trick'. When he turned his head back to tell us there was nothing, we both threw a peach and hit both Nikola and Kili square in the face. That night, we all called a truce, seeing as Thorin was giving us dirty looks each time we saw him.

We travelled for two more weeks with near to nothing interesting happening. Every day was the exact same as the last, and it was known to be that way tomorrow. The only interesting things were the scenery, weapons lessons, and the Durin brothers' and Niki's antics. We trekked through hills and valleys, through pine forests (which Niki and I relished), scaled down narrow cliff paths, and alongside a small creek, which would disappear and reappear occasionally.

One night we stopped in a small outcropping of a cliff, some land dipping into the cliff itself. Everyone set up camp, ate, and practiced weaponry like normal, with Fili and Kili on watch. Niki and I knew from the movie what was going to happen.

Niki and I sat up awake due to Gloin breathing moths in and out from his heavy snoring. I fiddled with the ends of my hair twists as Niki gazed at and poked the fire lazily with a twig. At last, Bilbo got up, stretched his back, and went over to feed Myrtle an apple. Then, two loud screeches echoed across a small pine forest and ravine to our small out cropping.

I stiffened, and felt Niki do the same and we gripped each other's hands for comfort. The sound sent chills up my spine, the reality of the sound much different to watching it happen on screen.

"What was that?" asked Bilbo, fearing for his life.

"Orcs," replied Kili, mystifyingly.

"Orcs?" Bilbo squeaked. Thorin sat up, light sleeper that he was.

"Throat cutters. There will be dozens of them out there. The low-land are crawling with them," said Fili with the same tone as he puffed on his pipe. I was shaking my head wildly for them to stop, but thy kept on going.

"They strike in the wee hours when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams," finished Kili, "just lots of blood." They began to laugh with each other at Bilbo's frightened face. Niki threw her twig at Kili and shook her head quickly telling them to stop, but grimaced when Thorin came over.

"You think that's funny? You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?"

"We didn't mean anything by it." Kili hung his head, feeling dejected. Fili looked up at me and I shrugged, nothing for me to do about it.

"No, you didn't. You know nothing of the world." Thorin grumbled and went to brood by the edge of the ravine.

"That was harsh." Niki said, only audible to me and, the two brothers.

"Don't mind him laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate orcs," Balin gave Niki a pointed look. But the coming story had peaked our interest. "After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thrór tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria." He continued to speak of the battle of Azanulbizar and how Azog the Defiler had killed King Thrór, then came at Thorin only to lose an arm and supposedly die. When he had finished, Balin gave me a fixed glance and smiled a bit. I looked over at Thorin who had turned around to face the standing dwarves. "And the pale orc, what happened to him?" asked the ever curious Bilbo.

"He slunk back into the hole whence he came. That filth died of his wounds long ago." Thorin crossed over back to his spot and kept on brooding. Niki had fallen asleep against me in the middle of the story, so I leant my head on hers and dreamt.

**-oOo-**

We rode for another week, just as the same as every other day. But, one glorious day, it _rained_. It was the best kind of rain, not a drizzle, but not quite a downpour, but enough to get you wet if out for too long. No words could describe the joy I felt, and I knew Niki felt the same way. Everyone else on the other hand, were miserable, cold, tired, and soaked to the bone, looking like drowned rats. I tilted my head back to allow some droplets to fall into my open mouth.

"Mahal, how are you two so happy about this dreaded rain?" yelled Bofur, who had previously tried to smoke, but failed.

"Because Bofur, if it's one thing we Washingtonians love, more than the night-time," I replied

"Or coffee," said Niki.

"Or boots."

"Or food, especially fish."

"It's rain and trees." We said together, "WE LOVE RAIN AND TREES!" We high-fived each other, while the dwarves gave us weird looks.

"Here, Mr. Gandalf! Can't you do somethin' about this deluge?" asked Dori over the rain.

"Please don't! It's our sustenance!" I yelled after him, from the rear of the herd.

"It is raining master dwarf. And it will continue to rain until the rain is done. If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard. It seems to make the girls happy, anyway. And less irritable."

"We resent that!" Niki yelled over to Gandalf, causing Kili's pony to lay back his ears.

"Are there any?" asked Bilbo, who was particularly soaked due to him not having a hood.

"What?" asked Gandalf.

"Other wizards."

"There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman, the white." _Not so great anymore, if you ask me._ I thought. "Then there are the two bluses, though I have quite forgotten their names. Bilbo was almost irritated my Gandalf's rambling, and added to the rain, he looked absolutely miserable.

"And who is the fifth?"

"Well, that would be Radagast, the brown.

"Is he a great wizard, or is he…more like you?" Niki face-palmed herself, when Gandalf looked over his shoulder in a mix of amusement and offence.

"I think he is a very great wizard, in his own way. He is a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the East, and a good thing too. For, always, evil will always look to find a foot-hold in this world." I looked to Nikola, riding next to me, and she sighed and gave me a sad look. _Those poor trees and creatures._

**-oOo-**

**Nikola's POV:**

We rode for the rest of the day, and it still rained, and didn't stop until the middle of the night. We all woke up stiff and wet, and rode for the rest of the week without anything interesting happening.

It was week four at this time, due to our slow pace, about mid-July, judging by the heat all day and all night. One day, we rode up a hill, surrounded by tall rocks and cliffs and came across and small house, utterly ruined beyond repair. I looked to Eva, who shook her head, emotions of sadness coming off her in waves.

We all dismounted and tied our horses and ponies to some small trees. Gandalf and Thorin went off inside the house. I glanced over as I unsaddled Balin's pony. "Fili, Kili, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them. Oin, Gloin, get a fire going" _Bossy, old, dwarf_. Eva came up to me and took the pony's reins I was brushing down, and led them both into the forest after Fili and Kili.

"Thanks." She nodded back, smiling. I went over to help Bombur to help unpack the food.

"I think it would be wiser to move on!" called Gandalf. I looked up from the meat I had taken out and Bombur looked at me then my food almost dejected.

"No dinner?" He asked. I shrugged in reply.

I watched Thorin and Gandalf converse back and forth. Both getting angrier and more annoyed by the second. Finally, Gandalf turned and stomped out of the ruined house huffing and mumbling. I got up and dusted my hands on my trousers.

"Everything all right? Gandalf, where are you going?" asked Bilbo as he pet Balin's pony.

"To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense."

I smirked and spread my arms out wide almost for a hug. "Then look no further!"

"Not you, girl! Myself, Master Baggins. I've had enough of dwarves and naïve girls for one day."

"Ouch. That was mean." I felt a punch to my side. I grunted slightly, and slowly turned my head to see Eva crossing her arms giving me the _nice-job-in-a-sarcastic-way _look. "That was as well, you jerk bastard." All Eva did was snort and help Bombur cook the stew, while I sat down and watched Ori draw.

**-oOo-**

Night fell quickly. I had practiced swordplay with Dwalin, sadly, and no archery or knife practice. I think it's safe to say I lost and that he may or may not've kicked my butt. Eva helped Bombur serve the meal and I drew Bombur cooking in the little notebook. "He's been a long time." Bilbo sighed, and paced. I snapped the notebook closed and stuffed it inside Eva's pack.

"He's a wizard! He does as he chooses. Here. Do us a favor, and take this to the lads." Bofur handed two bowls to Bilbo and served himself his second helping. I shot up, jogged to Bilbo, and took one of the bowls.

"Here, let me help." I looked at Eva, who was shaking her head discreetly at me. I stuck my tongue out and followed Bilbo into the forest. We found Fili and Kili staring into the distance, wide eyed and horrified. Bilbo went up to them and handed the stew out in front of them.

"What's the matter?" said Bilbo.

"We're supposed to be watching the ponies," said Kili

"We've encountered a slight problem." finished Fili. I groaned and rolled my head back.

"Let me guess. You _lost_ the ponies." They both turned to look at me, and nodded.

"We had sixteen."

"Now, there's fourteen." Bilbo and I followed after Fili and Kili. We found that Daisy and Bungo were missing. I had set my bowl down ages ago, but Bilbo took it up instead and followed along.

"Well, that's not good." He said nervously as he gestured to an uprooted tree, "And that is not good at all. Shouldn't we tell Thorin?"

"Uh, no. Let's not worry him. As our official and spare burglars, we thought, maybe, you two could look into it." _Wait, _spare_, burglar? Whoever said that?_

"Well, uh," Bilbo straightened and tried to look as professional as possible. "It looks as if something big, uprooted these trees." I slowly turned my head, with a bemused expression.

"You don't say?"

"That was our thinking," muttered Fili as he looked around his surroundings.

"Uh, something very big, and possibly quite dangerous."

"It was recent. So, whatever did it can't be far. Large things tend to be slow." I fingered some of the smaller roots on the tree, and turned my head to Bilbo and gave a cheeky smile. "They also tend to be _very_ dangerous." Bilbo made a small squeak of alarm and rushed off to Fili and Kili, spilling a little soup along the way.

"Hey, there's a light," whispered Fili as he beckoned us to his side, "Over here." We all crouched behind a small log gazing at the orange glow in the trees.

"Small, controlled fire I bet." I deduced, sort-of. Kili nodded.

"Trolls." We took off further into the trees and ducked behind another log. Bilbo finally caught up, still carrying the bowls. I rolled my eyes. I froze when gagging coughs boomed to our hiding spot and a giant, fat form lumbered past, plowing through everything in its wake, carrying two more ponies.

"It's got Myrtle and Minty! I think they're going to eat them, we have to do something." I shuddered, they were huge and ugly, and reeked of rotten meat and BO.

"Yes, you both should!" Kili pushed Bilbo over the log and I leaped over on my own. "Mountain trolls are slow and stupid, and you're so small," he pointed at Bilbo, then me, "and you're so quiet! They'll never see you, it's perfectly safe. We'll be right behind you." Kili rushed through that entire lecture.

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

"If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl, and once like a brown owl." I watched the two brothers look at each other and run away. I sighed and shook my head. Bilbo tried recounting on what to do if something bad happened.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he turned around to find no one. Bilbo turned to me with a frightened and confused look.

"Just scream bloody murder. That works as well." I leapt through the forest silently, Bilbo struggling to keep up as the troll went on and on about how mutton was the most boring food in the world.

"These 'aint sheep! These are fresh nags!" cried a second troll.

"I don't like horse. Never have. Not enough fat on 'em." Said a third troll with crossed eyes.

I popped my head in the direction of a makeshift corral filled with the dwarves' ponies, and thankfully, no horses, to Bilbo. He nodded back to me and we moved, quiet as mice to the corral. I was terrified. I struggled to breathe evenly, and not step in the wrong spot at the same time. I could only think Bilbo felt the same. One of the trolls sneezed into their own boiling food. "Well, that's lovely, that is. A floater! Might improve the flavor!" said the second troll, with one blind eye.

"Ah! There's more where that came from!" the cross-eyed troll said only to have his nose grabbed and shoved away from the pot.

"Oh no you don't!" I froze behind a bush when the troll fell over. I gagged a bit and continued when it sat up, completely unfazed. I reached the corral next to Bilbo, trying to untie the knots on the rope.

Bilbo tugged me behind the corral, just as the cross-eyes troll rotated in his seat to stare at the horses. "I hope you're going to gut these nags. I don't like the stinky parts. Ow!" It squealed as it was banged in the head by the half-blind troll with its ladle.

"I said sit down!"

"I'm starvin'! Are we having horse tonight or what?" yelled the troll with normal eyes. I ripped out Fili's knife and tries sawing at the ropes. It didn't do much, the rope was too thick. I saw a troll reveal some kind of large, thin blade, so I tapped Bilbo on the shoulder and pointed. He looked at me with wide eyes. I jabbed at his chest then at the knife insistently. He sighed, straightened his coat and crawled over to the blade. He froze and turned towards me when the trolls stopped talking. Hearing nothing, they continued on. I grabbed his shirt, and shoved him back towards the troll, then tried again at sawing the rope.

I looked over at Bilbo, who was right behind the cross-eyed troll, motioning for the blade to stay. He crouched back down, as the troll stood up and scratched its behind. I covered my mouth to stop from sniggering. The troll sat back down, and Bilbo slowly stood up for the blade again, only to be grabbed inside a large handkerchief and have snot sprayed all over his body. "Oh shit." I muttered. I began to saw harder and faster at the fraying rope.

"Ah! Blimey, look, look! Look what's come out of me hooter! It's got arms an' legs an' everythin'!"

'What is it?" Bilbo squirmed in the trolls grasp .

"I dunno. But, I don't like the way it wriggles around." The troll threw Bilbo to the ground in a pile of clothes and boogers. I stopped cutting at the rope, three-quarters of the way through, and started to hack at it like crazy lots of colorful words spewing from my mouth,

"What are you? An oversized squirrel?" the normal-eyes troll grunted as he jabbed a crude knife in Bilbo's direction.

"I'm a burglar, ah hobbit!" he stuttered. _Oh shut up Bilbo! _I had to do something, and not just sit there.

"A burglarobbit?"

"Can we cook 'im?"

"We can try!" The troll lunged, but Bilbo backed away and nearly ran into the half-blind troll. "He won't make more than a mouthful, not when he's skinned and boned!"

"Might be more burglarobbit's around these parts! Might be enough for a pie!" The troll punched Bilbo who fell back. He got up and dodged back and forth between the troll's legs. At last, he was grabbed by the legs and hung upside down in the hands of one of the trolls.

"Gotcha'! Any more of you little fellers hidin' where you shouldn't?" Bilbo shook his head and opened his mouth to respond. He didn't because, I just did the stupidest thing possible.

I put two fingers into my mouth and whistled sharply. The troll swung around, still holding Bilbo, to stare at the girl holding the cut rope as the last of the ponies came prancing out. "Aw, man. Sorry about that. Were-were you going to eat those? I'm _so_ sorry, my mistake." The normal troll roared, spit flying from is mouth. I leapt forward and sliced my dagger into the back of the normal-eyed trolls' knee. It squealed in pain and dropped Bilbo. He jumped up and made for the trees, only to be caught by the cross-eyed troll. The other two reached for me, but I did a baseball slide between their legs easily evading their clumsy movements. They swung their arms around attempting to hit me.

"Grab it!"

"It's too quick!"

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, _ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit_!" I yelled. I was hit in the back and thrown to the ground. "Shit." I groaned as I rolled over. The troll with Bilbo reached for me only to have is leg hacked by, none other than, Kili.

"Drop him!" I stood up, and breathed deeply to clear my head. Was that really him? Yeah, yeah it was.

"About time." I brandished my dagger, taking a stance that would allow me to lunge forward at a moment's notice.

"You wha'?"

"I said, drop him." Kili growled as he twirled his sword. I leapt to the side, barely missed being squashed by a flying Bilbo, as Kili caught said Hobbit, and the other dwarves jumped out of the bushes into battle, screaming battle cries.

We all hacked, sliced, slashed, smashed, the trolls when we could, mainly the legs and lower back. I was pumped with adrenaline, fear leaving me completely. Dwalin, Bofur, and Bombur smashed the trolls' toes to pieces with their hammer, mattock, and mace. Then the rest would slash the knees and stomach. I was about to go deaf, but I didn't care as I rammed my knife into the back of a troll's knee, then slashing its Achilles tendon. Kili had somehow gotten Fili onto his shoulders and they hacked and slashed in perfect harmony while keeping balance at the same time. Nori was grabbed by a troll, only for it to get a stone from Ori in the eye. Dwalin leapt over the fire, curled into ball, allowing Thorin to jump on his back and slice the face of a troll. Dori stabbed a troll right in the butt. The troll squealed and fell to its knees, then got some of its teeth knocked out by Dwalin's hammer and my dagger in its blind eye. Its blood spewed forth onto my chest and face. As the dark red got in my eyes, I failed to miss it swing its arm and knock me to the side. I rolled on the ground, coughing.

"Ow. Mother fluffer that hurt." Someone grabbed my wrist and pulled me up. I wiped and opened my eyes to see Kili giving me a worried look.

"You alright, Miss Annika?"

"Fine. That's going to bruise." We all were pushed together, facing the three trolls.

"Bilbo!" Kili cried as Thorin grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the safety of the group. Bilbo was held by his arms and legs by two trolls, wholly terrified of the ordeal.

"Lay down your arms! Or we'll rip 'is off!" Thorin, reluctantly stabbed his sword into the ground. Everyone was unbelieving at his actions, but they all followed suit. I slipped my dagger into my boot. Ori threw his sling-shot onto the ground in the most childish way possible. Then a thought struck me as I looked around at my friends. _Where's Eva?"_

**-oOo-**

**Eva's POV:**

I sat with my hands tied behind my back and around a wooden pole, recounting what just happened:

_I was sitting on the log, waiting. Waiting for the two Durin brothers to tear through the trees. I bobbed my knee up and down in anxiety. My best friend was in there, probably already dead. The thought added to my anxiety, so I began to pace back and forth across the camp._

_"__You alright, there, lass?" asked Bofur._

_"__Fine," I snapped. I instantly regretted it, but kept walking back and forth. At last Fili and Kili sprinted into camp, breathing heavily._

_"__What happened?" asked Thorin._

_"__We're not saying we lost the ponies," Fili said._

_"__But, we lost the ponies." Ended Kili. Thorin pinched his nose and sighed._

_"__And the Halfling and girl?" The two brothers looked at each other, then their uncle._

_"__Uh, we thought they could get them back." Fili said._

_"__It's just some trolls. I'm sure they're fine." Concluded his brother._

_Thorin called for everyone to grab their weapons as he strapped on his battle axe. "What about me?" I asked. I was terrified for my best friend, and I wanted to help._

_"__Not you. You are unfit and unprepared and unarmed for battle. You will stay here."_

_"__That's my best friend out there!" I pointed to the forest, as my voice rose. "I am going to help." Thorin sighed, looked over my shoulder and nodded his head_. What the hell?

_Someone grabbed my hands and pushed me towards the abandoned house. I squirmed under the person's grasp, clawing my nails into their hands. "Let me go, archloch!" _

_"__Settle down. This is what's best for you." Came a gruff voice. _Dwalin.

_He tied my hands behind the pole and went off to follow his companions._

_"__You bastards! You can't keep me here! I'll kill you all!" I screamed, but my cry fell on deaf ears as they went into the forest._

So I sat, rubbing my wrists back and forth, working at the rope. I was pissed, so I twisted faster. My wrists ached now, no doubt that I've rubbed some skin off. I don't know how it happened, or what I did, but the ropes fell from my red wrists. I threw my fists in the air. "I am the Master Commander!" I pushed myself up, rubbed my arms and grabbed Bombur's meat cleaver from his food pack and ran into the forest after my friends.

**-oOo-**

**Nikola's POV:**

"Don't bother cookin' 'em. Let's just sit on 'em, and squash 'em into jelly."

I laid in a sack, rather uncomfortably, between Kili and Bilbo, with Thorin's knees under my head. Being five foot eight, my knees were up to my chest, and my feet crossed at the end of the bag. I had already tried chewing through the rope that sealed the sack at my neck, but that failed. So I just kicked and squirmed, like the others.

"They should be sautéed. And grilled, with a sprinkle of sage." Said the half-blind dwarf, black blood still oozing from his eye.

"Mm, that does sound quite nice." Sniveled the cross-eyed troll. Apparently, the trolls never acknowledged the fact that I was over a foot and a half to half a foot taller than everyone else. _Thank God_. I realized then, that I could touch my boots, and thus, my knife.

"Never mind the seasoning. We 'aint got all night. Dawn 'aint far away. Let's get a move on, I don't fancy being turned to stone." I finally had a hold of my dagger, but I couldn't move my arm fully upward to unsheathe it. I looked at Bilbo, waiting for him to start stalling, like in the movie. But he didn't move. I scrunched my face and kicked him in the side. He squeaked in pain and faced me, face contorted in anger and pain.

"Stall them." His look changed to confusion. "Yeah, you heard me. _Stall them_." He rolled onto his feet.

"Wait! You are making a terrible mistake!"

"You can't reason with them! They're half-wits!" shouted Dori from the roasting spit.

"Half-wits? What does that make us?" replied Bofur, also on the spit, in a compromising position between Dwalin's legs.

Bilbo looked to me. I nodded in reassurance, and mouthed 'seasoning'. "I meant with the, uh, the-the seasoning." I smirked, still trying to get my knife out.

The half-blind troll crouched in front of the burglar. "What about the seasoning?"

"Well have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than Sage, before you plate this lot up!"

"I can vouch for that!" I yelled. Kili looked at me offended.

"Hey!"

"What do you know about cooking dwarf?" said the normal troll, as he spun the spit.

"Shut up. Let the, uh, flurgaburburrahobbit, talk." Waved the half-blind troll, to his partner.

"The-the secret to, uh, cooking dwarf is um," he stuttered, trying to think of something to say.

"Yes? Come on!" the troll urged. I slammed my head onto the dwarf king's knees, in frustration. This earned a glare from Thorin.

"Y-yes, I'm telling you the secret, is um," Everyone looked at Bilbo, expectantly hoping. "To, skin them first!" He smiled, proud of himself.

"Amen!" I cried. The dwarves screamed and kicked in protest. Kili's elbow jarred my arm to the side, fully unsheathing my dagger. "Yes." I muttered. "Excuse me!" I rolled over Kili and onto his other side, next to a bush. He grunted in pain when my shoulder caught his neck and he looked at me trying to spin my dagger in the bag. _Awkward._

"What are you do-," He started. He was cut off, when I stabbed my knife through the sack, and began sawing upwards to my head. I looked at him, and raised a brow.

"What?" He looked away from me in realization, and rolled onto his side, half shielding me from the trolls' view. The bushed rustled beside me and I whipped my head to find two big brown eyes and a row of straight white teeth. I smiled back, Eva. She reached a hand out for my knife and tugged it out of the hole, and started sawing for me. "Where've you been?" I whispered.

"Tied to a house." I looked at her scratched wrists, absolutely seething. How _dare_ they hurt her!

"Tom, get me a filetin' knife." Said the half-blind dwarf, waving for the instrument.

"What a load of wubbish! I've eaten plenty with their skins on. Scuff 'em I say, boots an' all!" cried the normal troll.

"He's right. Nothin' wrong with a bit of raw dwarf!" Eva froze from sawing my sack and shrank back into the bush. The troll grabbed for Bombur and hung him upside down above his open mouth. "Nice and crunchy!"

"No-not-not that one! He-he's infected!" yelped Bilbo.

"You wha'?"

"Yeah, he's got worms, in his, uh, tubes." I mentally face-palmed myself. _Shit_.

The troll dropped Bombur onto Kili an Oin, who groaned from the weight on their bodies. I would've laughed if not for the situation. Eva's arms reached out again and continued sawing down my legs. "I-in fact they all have. They're infested with parasites. It's terrible business, I wouldn't risk it I really wouldn't."

"Goodness sakes, did he say parasites?" asked Oin, who laid at my feet.

"We don't have parasites! You have parasites!" yelled Kili. Bilbo rolled his eyes. I kicked Kili, who groaned in pain.

"I have parasites so big I named them! There's Lucy, Susan, Peter, Edward…" I yelled above the voices. I kicked Oin, then trying to get them to play along. They had no freaking idea. Thank God for Thorin, because he kicked Kili, staring right ahead. Kili looked at him, then me, then the trolls.

"I've got parasites as big as m' arm." Said Oin.

"Peeta, Katniss, Prim…"

"Mine are the biggest parasites! I've got huge parasites!" screamed Kili.

"Let's not forget about Phineas and Ferb!"

"We're riddled!"

"Yes, we're riddled!" The trolls grunted to each other. The half bind dwarf settled his eyes on me and roared. I squeaked like a mouse as he reached, not to me but into the bush behind me. Eva screamed as the troll lifted her up by her leg.

"Eva!" I screamed kicking, trying to reach the dropped knife with my free hands.

"What have we got here? A little ferret freeing our food!"

"Ferret? You dummen Kopf, let me go!" she screamed as she hacked at the troll's fingers, with a meat cleaver. The troll merely growl3d and flicked the weapon and it embedded itself inch3s from Bilbo's feet.

"The dawn will take you all!" bellowed a familiar voice from a familiar figure on a rock.

"Who's that?" asked the first troll, swinging Eva about, much to her displeasure.

"No idea." The second shrugged.

"Can we eat 'im too?" pointed the third. The grey wizard raised his staff, and slammed it into the rock he stood on. He stepped to the side as half of the rock fell away, revealing the first rays of sun. The trolls screamed and hissed as their skin turned scaly, then grey, and finally to solid rock. I suddenly had the urge to sing the words 'blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche, another runner in the night'. The trolls froze in different positions, one still holding Eva by her ankle. Everyone was silent for a moment, then cheered with joy. I finally ripped the bag off me and stretched my back, relishing how my spine cracked in the stiff places.

"Sweet Jesus, that felt good." I plucked my knife from the ground and crouched next to Thorin. He scowled and I smirked, as I cut the rope, and moved onto Kili, and then the others. When finished I went over to Eva and laughed, "Having fun up there?"


End file.
